While the new-age parenting is tightening its rope. More and more of us ‘The parents’ are trying out various un-conventional method in bringing up the child. The contemporary un-conventional parenting makes sure that the children are heard, regardedand are given the paramount freedom. Unlike the previous generations where strict obedience was encouraged.
All this scrupulousness make sense until we are not creating over protected, over pampered and over powered kids. The fear is,
- Are we deconditiong the children at the cost of virtues and values?
- Are we judging the children based on how successful they are?
- Do we teach the kids about the positivity of the failures?
- In the process of creating successful and perfect children are we losing the focus of raising the children normally?
Most schools and parents teach values/ virtues like a regular subject. With a sprinkle of few activities, a few dos and don’ts here and there, the schools and parents are satisfied that they are triggering the virtue button successfully. But, with the children either teaching or imparting will not work unless we the parents or teachers lead the way, young minds try to follow us. Therefore, the onus and responsibility is on us. Education has to be virtue based rather than performance and outcome.
In one of the books, the author Bruce Lipton (The biology of the belief) a famous cell biologist who encourages energy –based(spiritual) parenting along with conscious parenting says,
“Young children carefully observe their environment and download the wordly wisom offered by their parents directly into their subconscious memory. As a result, their parent’s behavior and beliefs become their own.”
He also goes one step ahead and questions the gene theory, he postulates that ‘Genes are powerless tools without the trigger in the external environment.’
Well, this is a good news isn’t it? Now, we have something solid to work on and change: The environment. If environment in which child grows can be changed to suit him/her the best, the child can grow up to be sensible. At-least now we can’t take a back seat and exclaim “we are providing them education, food, clothing, and the tuitions, the rest is their genes.
After having discussed about the environment and genes, next comes a million-dollar question? “How do we change the environment? Isn’t my child in a good environment already!
Let us discuss one of the important point below and see if any alarm bells are ringing.
The hoovering effect(helicopter) of a parent always above the child, interfering in every tiny details of the child’s life choice right from the birth. The urge to control, overprotect, and over perfectness. The irony of the situation is not many of us do realise that we are being helicopter parents.
Here are some signs to know if we are hovering around.
- As a parent if one is always insecure and worried about the job market and country’s economy. If one is worried about the child’s survival in the big bad competitive world. In order to protect the child, we end up always pushing the child to perform.
- As a parent if one was not taken care of very well, or as a child if one faced hardships. The parent tries and compensates the sorrow by excessive attention towards the kid.
- As a mother if my sole purpose in life is taking care of children. I am always trying to make perfect for them, pressuring them to excel in sports, studies, dance excreta. Otherwise, I feel the whole purpose in life is defeated.
- Having the guilt of being a bad parent . The parent tries to compensate the guilt by always hover around the child. And feels relieved that he is are good parent by taking care of all their envisaged needs.
- As human beings one of our inherent nature is comparison, in case we are figure out that our friends are too much involved as parents and in order to feel responsible parent we hover around them for every detail.
- One of the worst part is that most of us do not even know that one is a helicopter parent.The parent believes that the trait is normal for a responsible parent.
Negative effects of helicopter parenting:
- The child will not be exposed to the wonderful world. No matter how the world is! be it cruel, good, honest, hot or cold, the child will always see the world from your eyes. This can restrict a considerable amount of self- esteem in them and arrest the holistic development.
- Alpha complex in a child:
Now what is alpha complex one may ask?
In simple words it’s the bossy/ bully, unruly and dominating behavioral pattern in some children. There are various reasons for the development of an alpha complex in a child. One of the main reasons is the attachment to those who are bringing up the child. One of the author on the books about alpha complex says “an increasing number of children were revolving around their peers instead of their parents and teachers”. Hence, we the parents really need to figure out is how to inspire our children to trust in us and fairly depend upon us.
Contemporary parents are mostly preoccupied with so many problems. Feels like the whole new age parents have shifted their patience threshold very low. very small things annoy us We have eased out our glitches with quick fixes in life rather than perseverance.
The only way to bring up a sensible child is to first sort our problems, then once we know exactly how to handle our lives . We can guide our kids better.